It may be time to crawl under the blanket.
Because Claire was in the air for about 12+ hours on Sunday flying home to California from Switzerland, we decided to postpone a celebration of Father’s Day until Sunday, June 25th.
I did take time during the day to send along a dad joke or two to Andrew and Claire, as I wouldn’t want them to feel neglected. For instance:
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
And I even passed along the Second Gentleman’s Dad Jokes…which I (naturally) thought were pretty funny.
But when I saw an article on Monday morning in The Athletic on MLB’s power rankings and dad jokes, I couldn’t restrain myself. Seriously, with baseball, Father’s Day, and dad jokes, what could go wrong?
There are 31 dad jokes (!) in the article (one for each team plus one to introduce the article. I’ll limit myself to five (you’re welcome) and encourage you to go read the rest (plus see where your favorite baseball team stacks up against the rest of the league. Spoiler alert: the Nats aren’t at the bottom, but they aren’t far away!)
So here we go!
Dad joke #1:
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.
This one was the lead-in to the story about the amazing Baltimore Orioles and their team chemistry. “Want to know a secret?” Brittany Ghiroli asks. “The Orioles clubhouse is really close.”
Like make-up-handshakes-in-the-bullpen kinda close. (You think the Homer Hose happens otherwise?) A group of young guys who have played together for years now, and seen a lot of losses, have morphed into one of the most fun teams in the league . . . If not for Tampa Bay’s ridiculous record, we’d be talking about the O’s a lot more this season. As it stands, we will be talking about Adley Rutschman and Gunnar Henderson for quite a long time.
Actually, I prefer the team sprinkler to the Homer Hose…but perhaps that’s just me.
Dad joke #2:
I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea.
Some are wondering if this Arizona Diamondbacks season is a fantasy. They have “the sport’s fifth-highest slugging percentage, two of its most dynamic starters, a speedy outfielder who’s running away with National League Rookie of the Year honors” and they still sit atop the NL West.
Dad joke #3:
I hate those people who knock on your door and say you need to get “saved” or else you will “burn.” Stupid firemen.
Houston isn’t burning yet, “but Ryan Pressly’s June swoon” has to alarm the Astros, even with baseball’s best pitching staff.
Dad joke #4:
I visited my friend at his house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
The Philadelphia Phillies (.633 home winning percentage), have been the NL’s best team at home. This week they will host the first-place Braves and Mets. “Buckle up. Philly is cooking.” And as every Nats fan (sadly) knows, if it is June then Kyle Schwarber is hitting homers every other day this month. Sigh.
Dad joke #5:
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines!
My, my, my…what’s become of the Cincinnati Reds?
Who can stop the Reds? No one . . . Jokes aside, Cincinnati has won eight in a row and 11 of their last 13 and are two games over .500 in an incredibly winnable NL Central. It’s not just Elly De La Cruz, though he is appointment viewing.
That’s enough. Enjoy some baseball . . . and call me if you want to hear some more dad jokes. (That’s a call my children will never make.)
More to come…
DJB
Photo by Alexandra Gorn on Unsplash
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