Tom Brown would have been 100 years old today.

Born on July 5, 1925 in Franklin, Tennessee, Daddy passed away on May 14, 2016 just shy of his 91st birthday. His years on earth, by so many measures, were rich and full.

As this anniversary approached, I’ve been reflecting on what makes a good life.

Tom Brown’s belief in service is a good starting point to begin that reflection. Daddy was a World War II veteran and felt it was his duty to serve the country that had provided so much for him. Throughout his career as an electrical engineer he went out at all hours in all types of weather to ensure that the residents of the Tennessee Valley had power. Outside of work he led an active volunteer life, having served as assistant scout master of Boy Scout Troop 416 and as a deacon for First Baptist Church for many years. After retirement, he served as a Mission Service Corps Volunteer of the SBC’s North American Mission Board, as a lay renewal coordinator, and as a driving safety instructor for AARP. These only show the tip of the iceberg as his life was full of moments when he helped others who needed a hand.

A life-long New Deal Democrat, he believed in treating everyone fairly—whether they looked like you, thought like you, or held the same values as you. Daddy could disagree but he never disparaged others. He believed in paying his fair share of taxes because we all live in community and not everyone had the same benefits that we enjoyed growing up white, middle class, and privileged in ways we could not even understand. 

Tom Brown tried his best to teach his children that everyone was human and deserved respect. Our parents expected us to use the titles “Mr.” and “Mrs.” when speaking with African-American men and women in the 1960s, even though most of our friends used first names, if that. They welcomed immigrants from other countries who came to Murfreesboro, brought them into our house for meals, and treated them as family. I remember him giving food and money to street-dependent people to help them get back on their feet, just as his mother had done years earlier at her boarding house. And when our gay son and transgendered nephew told their grandfather—in his late 80s at the time—of their life journeys, he said he might have to study up more on the subject but that he loved them as much as he did any of his other grandchildren.

Love was at the heart of a good life for Tom Brown.

When I posted 90 things about the wonderful life of Tom Brown to honor his 90th birthday I said all of this and more. Like the title of a song from one of his favorite musicians suggests, Daddy lived his life fully, with body and soul.

Tom Brown was not a wealthy man in the eyes of the world. But he was rich in so many ways that count. In his faith. In love of his wife, children, and extended family. In friendships that stretched across the globe. In his insatiable curiosity. In a deep belief in community and a deep, deep love for people.

I can think of few individuals I have known who followed the biblical injunction of the prophet Micah to “Do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God” more fully than Tom Brown.

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The Belgian-born philosopher Helen De Cruz, who passed away on June 20th of this year at the age of 46, was also thinking about the good life in her last days on earth. In a moving final post in her Wondering Freely newsletter entitled Can’t take it with you, De Cruz wrote:

“The richest man on earth is not happy yet he can buy and do whatever he wants. When we cherish people of the past they were not particularly wealthy. Marie Curie, Vincent Van Gogh, our wise grandmother … we love these people because of what they left us. Not because of what they had.”

De Cruz makes the astute observation that at funerals she has noticed that we cherish others for their quirks. Someone can be remembered “as kind and loving, but also: he loved fishing and was a great Cardinals fan. It seems puzzling that being a sports fan contributes to someone’s virtue. But it does, because that was part of what made him who he is.”

Helen De Cruz came to believe that being a good person—living a good life—means flourishing in many domains. My father certainly exemplified this. He wasn’t just a very good electrical engineer . . . he was more than his job. Tom Brown was also a voracious reader who shared his discoveries and insights with others. Although he could only play two songs on the piano and couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, Daddy was a lifelong fan of Teddy Wilson, Lena Horne, and other musicians of the golden age of jazz. He liked to ride his bicycle and go camping.

“Spinoza [writes De Cruz] counterintuitively argued for an ethical egoism in Ethics. He says we need to benefit ourselves. But our selves are in his picture finite expressions of God. And in our limited way, we can be perfect. Becoming very rich, powerful or prestigious is not benefiting yourself because these are empty goods in his view. This explains why the richest man on earth is not happy and keeps on seeking validation. Also why this Turkish musician is probably happier living in relative simplicity.”

“Instead, you benefit yourself by expressing yourself as a full being, as a rose bush that flowers fully. People also delight in you . . . Spinoza also emphasized that you should not harm others in your pursuits. Do the things you love for yourself and your loved ones will find something good you left behind. I play the lute. I know, even though I am a mediocre player, that people value this in me.”

Author and organizational psychologist Adam Grant has suggested that we pay too much attention to strong opinions—and too little to deep insight and broad perspectives. “Shallow people are impressed by superficiality. They look up to beauty, fame, money, and power.” But the good life is not about superficiality. “Deep people are drawn to substance. They admire wisdom, kindness, humility, and integrity.”

Wealth, at least as much of the world conceives of it, has little to do with living a good life.

The always thoughtful Rebecca Solnit asks, “What if we imagined wealth as consisting of joy, beauty, friendship, community, closeness to flourishing nature, to clean air and water, to good food produced without abuse of labor or nature?” That perspective on what really matters seems to get at how one lives a good life in community.

One of the best descriptions I’ve discovered of what constitutes a good life comes from On Light and Worth:  Lessons from Medicine by Bernadine Healy, M.D., given as part of a 1994 commencement address at Vassar College.

“As a physician who has been deeply privileged to share the most profound moments of people’s lives, including their final moments, let me tell you a secret.  People facing death don’t think about what degrees they have earned, what positions they have held, or how much wealth they have accumulated.  At the end, what really matters is who you loved and who loved you.  The circle of love is everything and is a good measure of a past life.  It is the gift of greatest worth.”

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Each individual has to come to their own conclusions about what constitutes a life well lived and make their own choices about which path to follow. I certainly fall well short of the bar set by my father, although he would remind me that it isn’t a competition.

There are certain characteristics and values that appear most consistently as I consider what constitutes a good life.

They are . . .

Service. Integrity. Fairness. Humility. Kindness. Curiosity. Courage. Wonder. Quirks. And love.

Always love.

More to come . . .

DJB

Photo of the Lone Cypress in the Del Monte Forest on the Pacific Coast in California by Claire Holsey Brown; The Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh from MOMA via Wikimedia; Almond blossoms from pixabay. All other images from the Brown family scrapbook.