Here are 60 things I’ve learned in my (now) 60 years of life:
1. Discipline is remembering what you really want.
2. The graveyard is full of folks who thought the world couldn’t get along without them. (Mary Dixie Bearden Brown and others)
4. I have been lucky in love.
5. Few things sound better than a solo acoustic guitar played by Doc Watson (Deep River Blues), Tony Rice, (Shenandoah), or Norman Blake (Church Street Blues). Or, if you want to go next generation, Bryan Sutton (Texas Gales).
6. Good things can come from bad situations, if you’ll stop wallowing in your sorrow and seek out the good.
7. I have become my father. I repeat many of the same stories. (Did you know that I paid more for my last car than for my first house?) I read funny articles from the newspaper out loud at the dining room table, sometimes to the consternation of my wife and children. I cackle when I laugh. I am a dyed-in-the-wool Southern liberal who believes that government can make our life better, and I have TVA to prove it. I have good-looking legs, even at age 60. I can’t see worth a damn without my glasses and – if you ask Candice – my hearing is suspect. I think Molly Ivins (God rest her soul) and Gail Collins tell more truth in one short newspaper column than any politician tells in a book-length campaign bio. I love to read. Body and Soul and the St. Louis Blues – the only two songs my father could play on the piano – are still among my top 10 favorite songs of all time. I wish I had more of my father’s faith and compassion, but I still have 30 years to work on that and catch up with him. I think it is pretty neat, at age 60, to have a father who turns 90 this year – especially when that father is Tom Brown.
8. I will cry at the movies, so I need to bring a handkerchief.
9. Neckties are a highly overrated – and in my case an increasingly irrelevant – piece of clothing.
10. All things considered, I’d rather live in a community full of old buildings.
11. The movie Selma was not – in my opinion – the “Best Picture” of the year in 2015, but it was the most important. Everyone (and especially Southerners) should see it. We forget too quickly how difficult it was to attain rights for all, and how much pressure there is, even today, to restrict or even take away those rights. We are nowhere near a post-racial society. I grew up in the South in the 1960s. I remember those images on the television. I saw how blacks were treated then. It was terrible. In some ways, it is still terrible. After seeing Selma, Southerners should also visit the High Church of Doing the Right Thing – otherwise known as the National Center for Civil and Human Rights in Atlanta. We can do better.
12. A colleague gave me this big, 1950s-style ashtray for my office with a quote attributed to Amelia Earhart that says, “The most effective way to do it, is to do it.” He thought it sounded like me, and I couldn’t agree more.
13. Stephen Carter, in his book Civility, captured much that is wrong in America today when he said, “The language of the marketplace, the language of wanting, of winning, of simply taking – the language of self – (has supplanted) the language of community, of sharing, of fairness, of riding politely alongside our fellow citizens.” The best description I’ve read of Libertarians – who epitomize the language of self – is that they’ve politicized the protests of children who scream through tears, “You’re not the boss of me.”
14. “Cities need old buildings so badly it is probably impossible for vigorous streets and districts to grow without them.” (Jane Jacobs) I love old buildings. I always have. We grew up in an early 20th century house on Main Street in Murfreesboro, and I loved visiting my Grandmother’s Victorian-era house on Second Avenue in Franklin. Candice and I renovated two old houses in Staunton, where we spent the first half of our married life. Old houses are especially nice for putting you in a physical and spiritual continuum – there were people in that house before you, and you realize you are just a steward of this place for the next generation. You can connect with the joys and hardships of those who came before, and you can prepare the house for those who come after. The best places I’ve been in life have a real connection to the past, and yet feel remarkably livable for the modern world.
15. Education, experiences, and travel trump “things” hands down. When you have a limited amount of money to spend, go for the things that feed the soul and widen your perspective, not the things that will collect dust in your house or take up more space in your garage (or, God forbid, a storage bin).
16. “Baseball is like church; many attend but few understand.” (Wes Westrum)
17. Take the train whenever possible. It is civilized and, short of walking and riding a bike, it is the most environmentally friendly way to travel. I am writing this right now on a train home from New York City. In a few minutes I’ll wander back to the cafe car. I ride a train to work every day. Even with Amtrak working as a second-class citizen when it comes to transportation systems and the Washington Metro suffering breakdowns from lack of funding and maintenance, train travel still beats the alternatives. Unfortunately, American mass transit is dying. Imagine how well our transportation system could run if people demanded, and politicians funded, train travel.
18. Try to see yourself as others see you. In more than half of my career, I’ve worked with an executive assistant. The good ones – who are perceptive and honest – see you in a myriad of situations and understand you in ways that few people do. One of the best I had the privilege of working with wrote what I took to calling a “Users Guide to DJB” when she left. It was rather eye-opening to read.
19. When you buy something you plan to keep for a while (shoes, cars, a home), buy the best quality (not necessarily quantity) you can afford, without overextending your budget. This approach is why Candice and I tend to keep our (one) car for a decade or more, and why we raised two children in a house with about 1800 square feet. Oh, and you need much less “stuff” than you have.
20. Those who accept life and their own limitations are likely to find more in life.
21. The 9th inning of the 5th game of the 2012 NLDS never happened.
22. If YouTube had existed when I was young, I don’t know if I would be a better guitar player, but I know I would have saved myself a lot of trouble picking up the needle and putting it back (and back, and back) in the grove to try to learn that special lick.
23. “Make yourself useful, as well as ornamental” is good advice I learned from my Grandmother. (Mary Dixie Bearden Brown.) My Grandmother worked hard her entire life, but as you can see in the picture below, my Grandmother was very pretty as a young bride. Naturally, I inherited my big ears from the Brown side of the family.
24. Fear isn’t a solid foundation for any healthy relationship. So why is so much right-wing fundamentalism based on a fear of God’s wrath? In my experience, She cares for all her children, not just the ones who have drunk the Kool-Aid.
25. Speaking of fear, Kris Kristofferson hit the nail on the head about hatred of things we don’t understand in Jesus Was a Capricorn. Truer words than “Reckon we’d just nail him up if he came down again” were never spoken. Thanks to Darrell Scott for resurrecting this song (pun intended) on his wonderful Modern Hymns CD.
26. Don’t you just love it that 2015’s Super Bowl (#49) was hailed by many (I’m looking at you Sally Jenkins) as the “best Super Bowl ever.” What did it feature? One confirmed concussion, and one probable concussion that the Patriots covered up. (The Onion had a telling headline: “Super Bowl Confetti Made Entirely From Shredded Concussion Studies.”) A horrendous arm injury by one player. Oh, and a fight in the end zone on the next to last play. Yep, that about sums up the NFL these days.
27. I think Wondrous Love is just about the best hymn ever – in either version (traditional as heard below from Blue Highway, or reworked for the Episcopal hymnal). I hope my family remembers – when I’ve gone to my reward – that I want it sung at any service/celebration in my memory. And remember to sing the last verse (in the Episcopal hymnal) a cappella. “And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on” sounds incredible when unaccompanied.
28. The intelligent mind is able to live with paradox. Such as the paradox of why I’m proud to be a Southerner. (Read this piece from The Bitter Southerner, as it sums up my views on the subject pretty well.) Yes, we have this awful racial history that continues to this day, which I wish our region could overcome. And yes, we have bourbon.
29. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
30. When you are paying the bill at a restaurant out of your own pocket, tip at the high-end of the scale – 20% – unless the service is awful and the server is rude. If the service is great, consider giving a bit more. This is especially true at breakfast. Many people don’t understand this idea, and it is generally because they have never waited tables. Waiting tables is very hard work, when done right. I did it for a year almost 40 years ago, and I still remember the long hours on my feet, the late nights, the times when you do a terrific job and the diners still stiff you. It never hurts to thank someone, and tipping a bit more than expected is a way of saying thanks. (The tip up to the norm is payment for service.) This lesson doesn’t apply in places like Copenhagen, where they pay service staff a living wage. But I think I’ll go to my grave in the U.S. with service staff just scraping by. Many waiters and waitresses are working two jobs (or more) just to cover basic costs of living. Tipping at the high-end of the scale is one way I can help them out. (And while it is a little different, I also recommend tipping street musicians – or buskers – when they are good.)
31. If you are going to share a car with someone for more than two weeks, it would be hard to beat Claire as a traveling companion.
32. “I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil. And that no one knows the truth.” (Molly Ivins)
33. Chris Thile is from another world. There is no other explanation.
34. The Christian Right is neither.
35. I definitely “married up.” Candice is very intentional about our life together, as a couple and as a family. I would probably miss half (or more) of the wonders of our time together, but she has helped me see the little grace notes that make up our life. Almost thirty-three years later, I would do it all again.
36. Visiting all the Major League Baseball stadiums is a worthy bucket list goal for any red-blooded American. I’m proud to say I am more than halfway there.
37. Everyone should have the chance to be surrounded by – and learn from – passionate and talented people at least once in their lifetime. My entire work career has been one when I’ve been surrounded by such individuals. However, on the personal side, I was lucky in my “earlier life” to sing as part of the Shenandoah Valley musical group Canticum Novum. I’ve seldom heard such a pure soprano as Custer LaRue, who was one of our eight-to-twelve singers (depending on the gig). Among other highlights in her career, Custer was the “singing voice” of Reese Witherspoon in the movie Vanity Fair. (I should probably add that she sang a solo at Claire and Andrew’s baptismal service!) I count myself very fortunate to have had the opportunity to sing with Custer, and with Debbie, Lucy, Kay, Peter, John, and Dick, (plus others) under Carol Taylor’s direction.
38. We have an “almost unlimited ability to ignore our ignorance.” (Daniel Kahneman)
39. “Bad trades are part of baseball – now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God’s sake?” You should watch the movie Bull Durham twice a year – in February/March, to get your juices going, and in November, to put the season you’ve just lived through in perspective. Best. Baseball. Movie. Ever.
40. I still miss my mother every day.
41. Barbecue is a gift from the gods. One of the wonderful things about my job is that I get to travel to cities all across the U.S. When I can, I eat at great barbecue places, such as Arthur Bryant’s in Kansas City and The Rendezvous in Memphis.
42. My father (as he nears age 90) likes to say that growing old is not for wimps. I’m beginning to worry that I understand what he means.
43. Nineteen years out of twenty, the lowliest man on a World Series-winning baseball team can give better quotes than the Super Bowl-winning coach. Baseball players and managers speak with eloquence and intelligence (even if it is Yogi Berra-type eloquence). Football players and coaches either talk gibberish (“We used the cover 2 and flex”) or just grunt.
44. One thing I have not figured out in life is how I happened to have such wonderful, talented, and thoughtful children. It is a mystery. Andrew and Claire taught me so much before they turned 21, and I continue to learn life lessons from them. I feel blessed and humbled every day.
45. There are many things said in churches that I find hard to believe. What I do believe is that love is more important than doctrine.
46. World War II was shorter than the NBA playoffs.
47. I was fortunate to grow up in a town where I could walk or bike to school, church, the grocery store, and my job. It was a great way to live as a child. I have since lived in three towns that were compact, walkable (or had great transit), and human-scaled. My children can get around major cities all over the world because they learned to walk, bike or take the bus and train here in Washington. I feel we have given them a great perspective on how to live in community.
48. When someone needs help – a word, a card, a lift, a meal, a changed tire – try to be there for them. I’ve been on the giving and receiving end of each of these things, and I can tell you how much they mean to both the giver and the receiver.
49. “Cowardice is easy. Courage is hard.” (Ron Johnson, Missouri Highway Patrol, after his work in Ferguson)
50. “There is no substitute for excellence – not even success.” (Thomas Boswell)
51. There is no crying in baseball. Oh, and there should never be a pitch clock.
52. It is wonderful when your children take up your interests. I have always loved photography and music. So I was thrilled when Claire showed a real talent for photography (especially black and white) and Andrew likewise showed a talent for music. We do our job as parents when we open up the world’s possibilities to our children. I simply count myself lucky that among their many talents are two that I can understand and appreciate.
53. I have been loved by some wonderful people. All I can say is thank you.
54. Never underestimate the impact one person can have on the world. Dean Smith, the famous basketball coach for the North Carolina Tarheels, died last month. One of the most amazing things I heard about Coach Smith through the many tributes that poured out in early February is that the Baptist Church where he worshiped and that shaped his advocacy for minorities was booted out of the Southern Baptist Convention in 1992 for licensing a gay man to minister. (Being booted out of today’s SBC wins “bonus points” from me, and I grew up a Southern Baptist.) His former pastor said of Smith, “He was willing to take controversial stands on a number of things as a member of our church – being against the death penalty, affirming gays and lesbians, protesting nuclear proliferation.” I also read a great appreciation in the Washington Post by John Feinstein. After asking Smith to provide more details about his helping to desegregate lunch counters in North Carolina in the 1950s, Feinstein recounted that Smith asked him who told him the story. Told that it was his pastor, Smith responded that he “wished he hadn’t done that.” Feinstein replied that Smith should be proud of that work. And here was the kicker: Feinstein wrote, “He looked me in the eye and said, ‘John, you should never be proud of doing the right thing. You should just do the right thing.’”
55. There have been times when I did not get something I thought I really wanted. But in most cases, I found something better. (Or, in the immortal words of Mick Jagger & Keith Richards, “You can’t always get what you want…but you just might find, you get what you need.”)
56. I have always enjoyed a wide variety of music. I’ve been privileged to play bluegrass and to sing Josquin des Prez…and lots of things in-between. I subscribe to the words of the immortal Duke Ellington: “There are two kinds of music. Good music and the other kind.”
57. I am fine with the fact that not everyone wants to hear my opinion and is eager to know what’s on my mind. Opinions are like noses…everyone has them.
58. I believe in the Church of Baseball.
59. A few years ago I became intentional about saying “thank you” to someone every day. It is one of the smartest things I ever did. Thank you.
60. Savor every moment. It passes faster than you can ever imagine.
(With hopefully much) More to come…
Image: The first of those 60 years — DJB as a toddler sitting on my Daddy’s knee