With the approach of Thanksgiving, many are asking how we can be thankful in the midst of the deceit, distrust, and discord we see around us. The historian in me responds—to quote David McCullough—that while we “think we live in difficult uncertain times, so it has nearly always been.” The seeker in me looks to establish, as Richard Rohr suggests, a pre-existent attitude of gratitude that is a deliberate choice of love over fear, a desire to be positive instead of negative.

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Attitudes of Gratitude: How to Give and Receive Joy Every Day of Your Life (1999) by M.J. Ryan was written some twenty-five years ago and may seem quaint to those struggling with today’s challenges. It is all too easy to give thanks when everything is going well, as seemed to be the case before the turn of the millennium. Paradoxically, it is in the most challenging of times when it is so very important to be open to gratefulness and to remember to be thankful. Thanksgiving itself came from a time of violence. Abraham Lincoln’s famous Thanksgiving proclamation was issued in the midst of some of the worst times of the Civil War. In a series of brief motivational essays, Ryan reaches back to timeless wisdom to teach us how to unlock the fullness of life—no matter the current circumstances—through the simple joy of living from a grateful heart.

Meant to be read an essay or two in a sitting in order to integrate the learnings, Attitudes begins with thoughts on gifts: what happens in our lives when we begin to practice gratitude. Then, her essays on attitudes consider the outlook or stance we need to take in cultivating gratefulness. Finally, Ryan moves to practices, suggesting practical ways we can develop and maintain thankfulness in our daily lives.

Ryan quotes from spiritual masters, writers, mentors, and others who capture the blessings of gratitude with a few choice words.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity . . . Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Melody Beattie

In noting how gratitude helps us feel young, Ryan turns to Ralph Waldo Emerson: “The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common.” When we tap into our sense of gratitude we are like little children, discovering the world for the first time. We don’t have to lose the happiness or “juiciness” of youth just because we’re aging.

In words that fit our times, Ryan notes that while there are plenty of things in life to be justifiably annoyed, angry, or hurt at, “that doesn’t mean that I should completely ignore all that is beautiful, good, and touching.” We’re not perfect, and we shouldn’t strive to be.

A point worth pondering: Upon completing the Universe the Great Creator pronounced it ‘very good.’ Not ‘perfect.'”

Sarah Ban Breathnach

Attitudes are the underpinnings of action, and Ryan has the reader think about how our approach to life affects our gratitude. Thich Nhat Hanh was the Vietnamese Buddhist monk who endured many hardships of war. An orphanage he started was bombed. He had to live years in exile. But through it all, he felt that “the greatest of all miracles is to be alive.” In considering all the sorrow in the world, this simple man who influenced millions writes,

“Suffering is not enough. Life is both dreadful and wonderful. How can I smile when I am filled with so much sorrow? It is natural—you need to smile to your sorrow because you are more than your sorrow.”

Ryan ends this hopeful work with suggestions on the practice of gratitude: how to put our attitudes into action. She begins by reminding us it takes exercise. Every day. Our family started this type of daily practice a number of years ago, when we began our evening meal by stating what we were grateful for that day. Yes, there were times when someone was “grateful the day was over,” but at least there was a recognition that this misery was only temporary in the larger scheme of life.

In one powerful suggestion that is timely today, Ryan pushes us to “do the work of forgiveness.” Nothing blocks feelings of gratitude, she asserts, more than anger and resentment. We victimize people by convincing them they are victims. It may take a while, but “there is a time in the process of emotional resolution for forgiveness.”

Practicing wonderment. Banishing comparisons. Transforming expectations into “no matter whats.” Looking for the hidden blessings of difficult situations. All of these practices can lead to a life of gratitude, that then leads to generosity and kindness to others.

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David Steindl-Rast describes how gratefulness—our full appreciation of something altogether unearned—leads us to thankfulness. “In a moment of gratefulness, you do not discriminate. You fully accept the whole of this given universe, as you are fully one with the whole.”

“[W]hen the fullness of gratitude overflows into thanksgiving, the oneness you were experiencing is breaking up. Now you are beginning to think in terms of giver, gift, and receiver. Gratefulness turns into thankfulness. This is a different fullness. A moment ago you were fully aware; now you are thoughtful. Gratefulness is full awareness; thankfulness is thoughtfulness.”

No one got to where they are by themselves. As we continue to grapple with the violence and division that is all around us, recognizing this basic fact of life is key to a deeper understanding of grace. We all make the choice as to how to respond to hatred and despair. We can respond with gratefulness and love and, in so doing, become the type of person that William Shakespeare described as making “the face of heaven so fine.”

“When he shall die,

Take him and cut him out in little stars,

And he will make the face of heaven so fine,

That all the world will be in love with night,

And pay no worship to the garish sun.

Romeo and Juliet (Act 3, Scene 2)

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I am thankful for all I have to celebrate this Thanksgiving, for my family and for all the wonder and joy in my life every day. I count myself lucky to have crossed paths with so many people who have loved me into being. You may, or may not, remember what you did to lift me up. But I remember.

Thank you all. Let’s continue the practice of being radically grateful this Thanksgiving and every day. And remember the words of the great Darrell Scott: It’s a great day to be alive. *

“And it’s a great day to be alive
I know the sun’s still shining
When I close my eyes
There’s some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can’t every day be just this good”

More to come…

DJB

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For another Thanksgiving essay during challenging time, check out one I wrote for Thanksgiving Day 2020 and then repurposed in 2022. 

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Photo by Silviu Zidaru on Unsplash