Super Bowl Rant IV

NFL Brain Diagram via SportsPickle.com

If it is the first Sunday in February, it must be time for my annual Super Bowl rant.  Let’s call it Rant IV, given that Rants I, II, and III have already played out here on the virtual pages of More to Come….

In past posts, I’ve given you 13 reasons why I won’t be watching the Super Bowl. (And yes, reason #10 is these stupid and pretentious Roman numerals.) Of course, #11 from last year holds true-to-form again this year (and most years):

“11.  It’s the damn Patriots.  Again.  Is there anyone more insufferable in sports than Bill Belichick/Tom Brady? (Wait, I’ll answer that.  Maybe Coach K. But that’s another post. And I know that Belichick and Brady are actually two people, but I’ve grouped them as one because they synch their grating to perfection.)  They push rules up to the line and over, and then act like their sainthood has been challenged when they are caught.  I hate Roger Goodell – he of the $40 million+ salary as a nonprofit executive (seriously) – but even I don’t wish for a Patriots victory so he has to eat crow and give them the trophy the year two years in a row after Deflategate.”

I will say that at least the game isn’t on FOX this year, as I’m not sure the world would survive the Adulation of Donald Trump that would be sure to overwhelm the pregame festivities.  I notice that the president is turning down the opportunity for the traditional interview in the pregame show.  Just as well.  We can use 8 hours away from alternative facts and fake news.

So let’s add another reason I won’t be watching the Super Bowl this year:

“14. Brett Favre:  “When I see little children playing football I cringe.”  In a Washington Post story two days ago, football legend Brett Favre said:

“I cringe…when I see video, or I’m driving and I see little kids out playing, and they’re all decked out in their football gear and the helmet looks like it’s three times bigger than they are. It’s kind of funny, but it’s not as funny now as it was years ago, because of what we know now. I just cringe seeing a fragile little boy get tackled and the people ooh and ahh and they just don’t know. Or they don’t care. It’s just so scary.”

Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?

The only good thing about the Super Bowl?  It means that pitchers and catchers report in ten days.

Winter bad. Baseball good.

More to come…

DJB

Annual Super Bowl Rant

NFL Brain Diagram via SportsPickle.com

NFL Brain Diagram via SportsPickle.com

I thought I would just be upfront about it, and title this post accurately.  No alternative facts here, folks – just truth in advertising!

Ever since Super Bowl 48, when I famously (at least in my mind) declared it to be my last, I’ve gone back and explained why it is time to give up on the NFL.  Surprisingly, they still play the thing, and here we are at Super Bowl 51.  (Reason #10 I gave up on the NFL was those stupid Roman numerals.)

So, here we are on Super Bowl Saturday, and I’ll just give you a few more reasons you may want to go to your local theatre and watch Hidden Figures – my early front-runner for Best Picture of the Year.

(And since I gave you ten perfectly good reasons back in 2014, I’ll begin with reason #11.)

11.  It’s the damn Patriots.  Again.  Is there anyone more insufferable in sports than Bill Belichick/Tom Brady? (Wait, I’ll answer that.  Maybe Coach K. But that’s another post. And I know that Belichick and Brady are actually two people, but I’ve grouped them as one because they synch their grating to perfection.)  They push rules up to the line and over, and then act like their sainthood has been challenged when they are caught.  I hate Roger Goodell – he of the $40 million+ salary as a nonprofit executive (seriously) – but even I don’t wish for a Patriots victory so he has to eat crow and give them the trophy the year after Deflategate.

12.  The game is on FOX.  OMG.  You will recall that the last time FOX carried the Super Bowl, fans were subjected to Bill O’Reilly’s Gift for the Ages – otherwise known as the highly disrespectful “interview” of President Obama by the FOX News blowhard and original spinner of alternative facts.  So this year, will we be treated to the coronation of King Donald by Sean Hannity?  Will we learn that the most recent jobs report (the reporting period of which ended prior to Trump’s inauguration) reflects what a tremendous job Donald is doing?  (The Best!) Will we also learn that jobs report reflects the 76th consecutive month of job growth – the longest on record?  (That’s a trick question.  Of course we won’t.)  And once the annual game begins, will Donald finally get his military parade?  (That’s also a trick question, since FOX has been militarizing sports for decades.)

13.  It is all about the concussions.  Troy Aikman, who is providing color commentary for the game on FOX, says he cannot remember a playoff game that he won, due to a concussion that he suffered during the game.  Concussions are serious.  ‘Nuff said.

That’s enough ranting for this year.  And by the way, pitchers and catchers report in 9 days.

Winter bad.  Baseball good.

More to come…

DJB

Well, This Will Be Easy

NFL Brain Diagram via SportsPickle.com

NFL Brain Diagram via SportsPickle.com

Well, not watching Super Bowl 49 will be easy!

Last year I wrote a post saying I was through with the NFL.  I even  gave 10 reasons.  (And yes, Daniel Snyder topped the list and he still holds the top spot after this year’s debacle.)  I’ve pretty much kept to my promise.

But to find out today that my least-favorite teams – the Seattle Seahawks and the New England Patriots – will be in the Super Bowl is just perfect.  We have the battle of the super-egos (and with these two teams, you can pick multiple candidates). After Seattle won today, I heard Russell Wilson gushing about how God had prepared him for a game like today.  I’ve got news for Russell Wilson:  God doesn’t give a damn about whether the Seahawks win or lose. Or the Patriots.  Or the Nationals, for that matter. (Just to prove that I’m an equal opportunity atheist when it comes to God and sports.) She has much more important things to do.

I think I’ll be watching paint dry or something else more productive come Super Bowl Sunday.

Brady, Belichick, Sherman, Lynch, Carroll.  Oh please…

How many days until pitchers and catchers report? (30 days, to be exact.)

The great Rogers Hornsby said it best:

People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball. I’ll tell you what I do.
I stare out the window and wait for spring.
More to come…
DJB

The America Bowl: Presidents vs. the Super Bowls

The America Bowl pulls together all of my favorite ways of wasting time.

So says Don Steinberg, creator of the online America Bowl showdown between the U.S. Presidents and the Super Bowls.   I read about Steinberg’s web site in a recent issue of The New Yorker and had to check it out.

This all began as Steinberg was thinking about Barack Obama, the nation’s 44th president, and he wondered about the connections with other famous 44s – like Hank Aaron who wore the number for the Atlanta Braves.

Steinberg soon realized there was a football echo, too – that the 2010 Super Bowl…would be the forty-fourth, or, rather, the XLIVth.  This alignment, like the Rapture, will happen only once.

So a web site – complete with logo featuring a pony-tailed George Washington going head-to-head with a football helmet – was born over Thanksgiving.  The idea is to pit each President against his corresponding Super Bowl.  Presidents are judged on their accomplishments; Super Bowls on their competitiveness.

If you remember anything about the founding fathers and the early Super Bowls, you just know that the Presidents took an early lead.  But you’ll no doubt remember that string of Presidents that led us up to the Civil War, so the games bounced back.

One thing you’ll notice, as you peruse the matchups, is that this country has had to endure a parade of unexceptional chief executives and championship football games.  The Super Bowl, few will disagree, is a bloated, overhyped spectacle, and, more often than not, an anti-climax; this may also be true of the Presidency.

Today, as we enter Super Bowl weekend, we’re at game 41:  George H.W. Bush vs. the Colts/Bears in 2007.  Steinberg makes some telling remarks about dynasties in both politics and football.  Prescott Bush made it to the Senate, but he had to wait for a son and grandson to became President.  Archie Manning was a great quarterback for the Saints, but it took Peyton and Eli to win championships.  Steinberg gives this battle to the Super Bowls, and they lead by a 21-20 margin with three to go.

There are little gems throughout.  Super Bowl 37 (when the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, for crying out loud, were champs) top Richard Nixon because they avoided scandal.  Super Bowl 3 vs. Thomas Jefferson was an epic, but Steinberg eventually awards it to TJ over Broadway Joe.  It isn’t until Super Bowl 4, when the Chiefs top the Vikings and go up against James Madison, that the Super Bowls finally get a win.  What, you may ask: How does the Father of the Constitution lose, even to Hank Stram and his boys “matriculating the ball down the field”?  Well, Steinberg limits accomplishments to the time these men were actually Presidents, and Madison had that unfortunate thing with the White House being burned by the British against his record.

So, if you want a laugh on Super Bowl weekend head over to The America Bowl and see how your history and sports knowledge hold up.

More to come…

DJB

Beyond Crestfallen

Norman Chad, an Arizona Cardinals fan writing in his regular Couch Slouch column in today’s Washington Post, has a funny time line on the interminable Super Bowl pre-game show.   But the humor turns LOL funny as he talks about his Team of Destiny and gets to the winning catch:

9:27:  Warner to Larry Fitzgerald makes it 20-14.  Destiny’s knocking at the door!

9:48:  Warner to Fitzgerald again gives Arizona its first lead, 23-20.  Guess who’s coming to dinner?  Destiny!  I can’t control my breathing.

10:00:  Did Santonio Holmes really catch that?  Yes.  I am beyond crestfallen, I am crestcomatose.

Crestcomatose.  Now that’s a great description for a die-hard fan’s reaction to losing.

More to come…

DJB