This is my second installment of the things I do to get ready for the baseball season…which is necessary because pitchers and catchers report tomorrow.

Why’s he calling me meat?  I’m the one driving a Porsche.

Relax, all right? Don’t try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls – it’s more democratic.

The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self awareness.

You just got lesson number one: don’t think; it can only hurt the ball club.

You’re gonna have to learn your clichés. You’re gonna have to study them, you’re gonna have to know them. They’re your friends. Write this down: “We gotta play it one day at a time.”

Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don’t you think?

(Nuke) I ain’t pissing nothing away. I got a Porsche already; a 911 with a quadrophonic Blaupunkt. (Crash) Christ, you don’t need a quadrophonic Blaupunkt! What you need is a curveball! In the show, everyone can hit heat.

(Larry) Excuse me, but what the hell’s going on out here?  (Crash) Well, Nuke’s scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man’s here. We need a live… is it a live rooster? We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose’s glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present. Is that about right? We’re dealing with a lot of shit. (Larry) Okay, well, uh… candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she’s registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let’s get two! Go get ’em.

(Skip) Eight… and sixteen. How’d we ever win eight? (Larry) It’s a miracle.

Yep, friends.  The yearly preseason viewing of the best baseball movie ever, Bull Durham. 

A good friend of mine used to say, “This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.” Think about that for a while.

More to come…

DJB