Today marks the beginning of my newest trip around the sun. With that in mind, here are 70 things I’ve learned in my (now) 70 years of life. *
1. Discipline is remembering what you really want.
2. Refuse to be cynical. Cynicism is cowardice. It takes courage to care.
3. The graveyard is full of folks who thought the world couldn’t get along without them.
5. Focus on what you can control. Epictetus described this as our “chief task in life.” I can’t control the weather or how the president acts but I can control my attitude, emotions, desires and response to external events and challenges. Anne Lamott helpfully reminds us: “Expectations are resentments under construction.”
6. Read more books and watch less television.
7. My mother and I shared a love of baseball, and 70 years in I still find the game endlessly fascinating. Baseball is so much better than football.
“Cheers to one of the richest people I know (in the George Bailey kind of way)!”
Note from a friend that reflects my feelings at the moment. This birthday card was one of several dozen received this past week after Candice asked family and friends to help in the celebration of my 70 years. There are three other tables and bookcases filled with cards around our dining room table.
8. Connect and commit. When someone needs a word, a card, a lift, a meal, a changed tire, try to be there for them. I’ve been on the giving and receiving end of each of these things, and they mean so much to both giver and receiver.
9. Work hard for justice and democracy as the fight never ends. “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” (Desmund Tutu)
10. It is true that as we age we can very easily become our parents. I have become my father. I repeat many of the same stories. (Did you know that I paid more for my last car than for my first house?) I am a dyed-in-the-wool Southern liberal. At age 70 I still have good-looking legs. Until I had my recent cataract surgery, I couldn’t see worth a damn without my glasses and—if you ask Candice—my hearing still remains suspect. I love to read and tell others about the books I’m reading. Body and Soul and the St. Louis Blues are still among my top 10 favorite songs of all time. It was a special blessing to have a father who lived to be almost 91—especially when that father was Tom Brown.
11. I will cry at the movies, at weddings and funerals, over lunch with a friend who has just lost their job, and while reading books. Unlike ties, which I seldom wear these days, a handkerchief is an essential part of my wardrobe.
12. Take the time to figure out a few “rules for the road of life,” reminders of how you want to live over time.
13. Prioritize stillness. In a noisy world, a couple of hours each day without chatter (or a phone screen) where we can simply think (or not think) is essential.
14. Any day is a good one to consider lifestyle changes, but milestones are especially appropriate. My father stopped smoking 70 years ago today, joking (I think) that he couldn’t afford two expensive habits.
“Like snow blown before a lighted window, we pass in and out of light and shadow on the journey between now and forever. ‘It all happened so quickly,’ we say and yet there were hundreds of eternities that opened in the eye-blink of days of the year just past. In my end is my beginning—the perpetual paradox of becoming.”
Marv and Nany Hiles from An Almanac for the Soul
15. It’s possible to not have an opinion. You don’t have to let something upset you and you don’t have to think something about everything.
16. Entertain the possibility that you might be wrong. Ten years ago I was adamantly opposed to a pitch clock in baseball. Then I began attending games that moved with a delightfully quick pace. I was wrong, and I’m sure there are (many) other instances where I hold strong opinions that are absolutely and positively incorrect. But then, I could be wrong about that.
17. “Cowardice is easy. Courage is hard.” (Ron Johnson, Missouri Highway Patrol, after his work in Ferguson) “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.” (Maya Angelou)
“[T]his time of year, like every year, calls for deep reflection on the state of our being in the world . . . How we react to the events of the world are dependent upon where we are situated in our spiritual lives. Lent, that 40-day season of deep reflection, fasting, and prayer can serve as a healing balm to the fractures of society . . . [C]arve out time during this 40-day period to center on yourself and your place in this world. The end result, in my experience, is a deepened contentment with life.”
Aine Donovan from Everyday Ethics
18. Being in the moment is a practice.
19. Much that is wrong in America today is that the language of wanting, winning, or simply taking—the language of self—has supplanted the language of community, sharing, fairness, and riding politely alongside our fellow citizens. Libertarians have politicized the protests of children who scream through tears, “You’re not the boss of me.” Krista Tippett calls instead for “adventurous civility” that honors the difficulty of what we face and the complexity of what it means to be human.
20. Never give up on anyone, never hate anyone, and act with love whenever you can.
21. Education, experiences, and travel trump “things” hands down. When you have a limited amount of money, go for the things that feed the soul and widen your perspective.
22. You never know how your life and actions will affect your children, who look to us in ways we barely understand. When I was growing up, Al Gore, Jr. was my congressman. Now that I’m retired, Jamie Raskin is my representative. Both of those giants—Gore and Raskin—learned about life and leadership from their fathers. In a moving eulogy, his son said the most astounding sign of Marcus Raskin’s “genius for affection” was seen not with respect to his father’s treatment of his friends and family but with respect to his treatment of adversaries and the people he didn’t know.
23. Take the train whenever possible. It is civilized and, short of walking and riding a bike, it is the most environmentally friendly way to travel.
24. The world has a lot of problems. Reading too many books isn’t one of them.
25. Even if you have a good head of hair, chances are it ain’t gonna last forever.
26. Try to see yourself as others see you. I worked with executive assistants who saw me in a variety of situations and understood me in ways that few people do. One of the best I had the privilege of working with wrote what I took to calling a “Users Guide to DJB” when she left. It was rather eye-opening to read.
27. Wash your hands. A lot.
28. Spend less than you make. When shopping for something that will last a while, buy the best quality (not necessarily quantity) you can afford without overextending your budget. That lesson helped us decide to raise two children in a house of about 1800 square feet. We also keep our car for a decade or more.
29. Those who accept life and their own limitations are likely to find more in life.
30. Get yourself a bucket list. Bucket lists are optimistic by nature. A bucket list says, “I’m going to be out in the world, I’m going to make a difference, and I’m going to love what I’m doing.” A bucket list should include things you can do in an afternoon and things that will take the rest of your life.
31. It is the fortunate who realize the incredible amount we learn “between our birthday and our last day.” Some never lose their childhood curiosity. I’m reclaiming mine.
32. “Most of what we see is behind our eyes.” Forcing the world into our preconceptions means that we miss a lot of what’s right in front of us.
33. “Cities need old buildings so badly it is probably impossible for vigorous streets and districts to grow without them.” (Jane Jacobs) I love old buildings. I grew up in an early 20th century house and as a child I loved visiting my Grandmother’s Victorian-era home. Candice and I renovated two old houses when we were first married. Old houses are especially nice for putting you in a physical and spiritual continuum.
“The unpredictability is how I learn. The uncontrollability is how my heart is stretched open. Not dodging things means I end up bashing into joy.”
Satya Robyn
34. Now that I’m retired I have a new life description: I am bashing into joy. I’m discovering new worlds while also diving deeper into things I love.
35. Be humble. Listen more than you talk.
36. You have to be tough to get old. It helps if you exercise six days a week for the rest of your life.
37. “Make yourself useful, as well as ornamental” is good advice I learned from my grandmother. Mary Dixie Bearden Brown worked hard her entire life, but as you can see in the picture above my grandmother was very pretty as a young bride. Naturally, I inherited my big ears from the Brown side of the family.
38. Good things can come from bad situations, if you’ll stop wallowing in your sorrow and seek out the good.
39. Quit eating crap! Eat less of everything else.
40. Fear isn’t a solid foundation for any healthy relationship. So why is so much right-wing fundamentalism based on a fear of God’s wrath? In my experience, She cares for all her children, not just the ones who have drunk the Kool-Aid. Kris Kristofferson hit the nail on the head about hatred of things we don’t understand in Jesus Was a Capricorn. Truer words than “Reckon we’d just nail him up if he came down again” were never spoken. Thanks to Darrell Scott for resurrecting this song (pun intended) on his wonderful Modern Hymns CD.
41. I’ve forgotten a whole helluva lot since I was sixteen and knew everything.
42. “We are here to keep watch, not to keep.” Letting go in retirement, relationships, and with long-held expectations can involve disappearance along with a sense of transience and fragility. Disappearance, Kathryn Schulz writes, reminds us to notice, transience to cherish, fragility to defend.
43. Most of the time everything you need you already have. The rest of the time it usually doesn’t matter.
44. I think Wondrous Love is just about the best hymn ever, in either version (traditional as heard below from Blue Highway or reworked for the Episcopal hymnal). When I’ve passed on, I want it sung at any service in my memory. And remember to sing the last verse (in the Episcopal hymnal) a cappella. “And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on” sounds incredible when unaccompanied.
45. Wear the damn mask and get a shot.
46. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
47. The intelligent mind is able to live with paradox. Such as the paradox of why I’m proud to be a Southerner. Yes, we have this awful racial history that continues to this day, which I wish our region could overcome. And yes, we have bourbon.
48. “I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil. And that no one knows the truth.” (Molly Ivins)
“A sense of history is an antidote to self-pity and self-importance.”
David McCullough
49. “Life is and.” (Philip Roth) Recognizing that we have the potential to live and respond with opposites—contemplation and action—helps us navigate the paradox at the heart of life. That recognition helps us respond to times which—like all the days of our lives—contain both strife and harmony. Concern and contentment. Fragility and wonder. Suffering and beauty. Darkness and light. Shock and amazement. Cruelty and braveness. Tears and laughter. Grief and gratitude. Loss and love. Death and life.
50. The Christian Right is neither.
51. Keep good company. Drop the complainers and drainers from your life.
52. I definitely “married up.” Candice is very intentional about our life as a couple and as a family. I would probably miss half of life’s wonders, but she has helped me see the little grace notes along the way. It has been a wonderful (almost) forty-three years. Here’s wishing for many more.
53. Gratitude goes a long way. Be grateful, thankful and compassionate. Every day.
54. Don’t be a grumpy old man . . . live exuberantly! For instance, I am gleefully visiting all the MLB stadiums, a worthy bucket list goal, and I’m proud to say I only have seven left.
55. Life is too damn short to not enjoy the stuff you love. Some time ago I decided that I would play music, read, and write every day because I enjoy all three and they feed my soul.
56. “Bad trades are part of baseball—now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God’s sake?” You should watch the movie Bull Durham twice a year—in February/March, to get your juices going, and in November, to put the season you’ve just lived through in perspective. (And yes, “Candlesticks always make a nice gift.”) Best. Baseball. Movie. Ever. As the film so richly demonstrates, the lowliest man on a World Series-winning baseball team can give better quotes than the Super Bowl-winning coach. Baseball players and managers speak with eloquence and intelligence (even if it is Yogi Berra-type eloquence). Football players and coaches either talk gibberish (“We used the cover 2 and flex”) or just grunt.
57. I have long subscribed to Maya Angelou’s dictum that “when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.” When a person tells us (and shows us) again and again that he is a deeply immoral con man and criminal, I believe him. I also believe that for those politicians and the ultra-wealthy who are abetting his work of destruction, this is a feature, not a bug.
58. I enjoy a wide variety of music. I’ve been privileged to play bluegrass and to sing Josquin des Prez…and lots of things in-between. I subscribe to the words of the immortal Duke Ellington: “There are two kinds of music. Good music and the other kind.”
59. I still miss my mother every day.
60. Barbecue is a gift from the gods. When I need to scratch this itch, I visit Rocklands, the restaurant my colleagues turned to in catering my “Barbeque, Bluegrass, and Bourbon” retirement party in 2019.
61. We have an “almost unlimited ability to ignore our ignorance.” (Daniel Kahneman)
62. At this point in time it is embarrassing to be a white male. I am tired of the whining of the privileged who believe their race and gender trumps everything else. These are people who were born on third base and wake up believing they hit a triple. Please, guys, stop embarrassing yourself!
63. One thing I have not figured out in life is how I happened to have such wonderful, talented, and thoughtful children. It is a mystery. Andrew and Claire have taught me so much in their now 32 years, and I continue to learn life lessons from them. I feel blessed and humbled every day.
64. There are many things said in churches that I find hard to believe. What I do believe is that love is more important than doctrine.
65. It is wonderful when your children take up your interests. I was thrilled when Claire showed a real skill in photography and Andrew likewise showed a talent for music. We do our job as parents when we open up the world’s possibilities to our children. A friend who I first met in high school noted that “Parenting is a rare and wonderful experience and your children tell you (show you? sing to you? picture you?) when you have done it well.” I simply count myself lucky that among Andrew and Claire’s many talents are two that I can understand and appreciate.
66. “There is no substitute for excellence—not even success.” (Thomas Boswell)
67. There have been times when I did not get something I thought I really wanted. But in most cases, I found something better. (Or, in the immortal words of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, “You can’t always get what you want…but you just might find, you get what you need.”)
68. “I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.” (Susan B. Anthony)
69. Try to be nice. Always be kind. A few years ago I became intentional about saying “thank you” to someone every day. It is one of the smartest things I ever did. Thank you.
70. Savor every moment. They pass faster than you can ever imagine.
(With hopefully much) more to come . . .
DJB
*For several years now I’ve been thinking about the sixty things I learned over sixty years (published on—you guessed it—my 60th birthday) and how that list has grown and changed as I age. Some continue to guide my life, while others have become less important. The only constant in life is change.
UPDATE: If you’ve gotten this far, you might want to check out a post on the birthday greetings and blessings I received this year. I wrote about that in Rich (in a George Bailey kind of way).
Photo collage of 70 years of life by DJB
MORE TO COME... 
Happy birthday!
Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPhone
Thanks, Meredith!
We have the same birthday! Happy birthday, David! Also, yes, the pitch clock is awesome. I’m afraid the new system of challenging calls will slow the game right back down, though. Hope that’s something I turn out to be wrong about! Very excited for the Reds season with Terry Francona at the helm. Hopefully he’ll iron out our sometimes sloppy defense.
Have a great day! Robyn
Robyn, I knew there was something special about you (beyond your just being an awesome person and writer who lives in a fantastic Main Street town!). Another March 4th baby . . . although I suspect that you still have a long way to go to reach the 70 milestone.
I’m not in favor of the robo umps for several reasons, and the slowing down of the game is just one of them. I liked Max Scherzer comment that “hey, we’re humans playing a human game . . . let’s have human umpires as well.” I think robo umps, like all replays, are simply ways to satisfy bettors who seek certainty on calls to back up their bets. Another way that betting has ruined sports.
Looking forward to the publication of your new book so we can do another Q&A . . . the last one on Hemingway’s book tour was such fun.
Take care and have a great birthday.
DJB
Oh David – I loved every word! It was like savoring 70 delicious morsels for the soul! I’ve passed along to friends for fortification! Happy Birthday!
Oh, Amanda . . . this MADE MY DAY. What a wonderful thing to see as I checked my comments. You have such a gift for saying the right words to make others feel connected and loved. Thank you so much, and I hope your friends enjoy it as well. Take care, my friend. DJB
Wisdom! Love it. All my best on 70 years!
Kathy La Plante (she/her)
Thank you, Kathy! Glad you found some bits of wisdom in there. Take care, DJB
A wonderful summation of your spirit, David, and a good reminder to us all! Thank you for sharing your milestone birthday – and many happy returns of the day! May life continue to fill you with wonder and joy at the small (and big) things.
Sandy
Thank you so much, Sandy!
Pingback: Rich (in a George Bailey kind of way) | MORE TO COME...
Pingback: Observations from . . . March 2025 | MORE TO COME...
Pingback: We see things as we are | MORE TO COME...
Pingback: Musical lineages | MORE TO COME...
Pingback: Work on things you can do something about | MORE TO COME...
Pingback: Our Year in Photos — 2025 | MORE TO COME...