Rules for the road of life help us see how we want to live.

As has been the case in recent years, I highlight these rules on New Years Day.

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While January is when many think of resolutions, I’ve taken a different route. In 2013 I established several “rules for the road of life” focused on how I want to live day-to-day. “Life learnings” are what the essayist Maria Popova calls her list. Ryan Holiday has a similar focus, zeroing in on what’s in his control so that he concentrates his resources in the places where they matter. If you must make resolutions, consider giving up what doesn’t matter.

Annual resolutions are fleeting but we should expect anything worthwhile to take a long time. The flower doesn’t go from bud to blossom in “one spritely burst,” as Popova writes, “and yet, as a culture, we’re disinterested in the tedium of the blossoming. But that’s where all the real magic unfolds in the making of one’s character and destiny.”

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IT IS ALL PRETTY SIMPLE, AND YET ALL SO DIFFICULT

Designed to help direct me during both good and troubled times, these personal guidelines are not quite principles but rather serve as reminders of how I want to live over time and in the midst of life’s mystery.

The language I used in crafting these rules tends to focus on actions: walking, eating, spending, committing, laughing, caring. In my reasoning we don’t simply think our way into being the person we are meant to be, we have to act out of our commitments. These guidelines have helped me take steps forward in my quest to be open to love and wonder. Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel modeled this as a commitment to “radical amazement.” In his 1965 book Who Is Man?, Hershel wrote that while we try and manipulate what’s “available on the surface of the world,”

“. . . All we have is a sense of awe and radical amazement in the face of a mystery that staggers our ability to sense it . . .

Awe is more than an emotion; it is a way of understanding, insight into a meaning greater than ourselves. The beginning of awe is wonder, and the beginning of wisdom is awe.“ (my emphasis)

Awe—of things extraordinary and ordinary—enables us “to sense in small things the beginning of infinite significance, to sense the ultimate in the common and the simple.” As it takes us beyond our normal ways of thinking, awe moves us, empowers us, stretches us, and can transform us.

Our thoughts become actions.

This remarkable, mysterious life we are given is all about change. Communities evolve. Nature grows, dies, and decays before being born anew. Sunsets turn from bright orange to deep purplish blues.

When I look at my eight rules, I recognize that they are designed for change. To help me slow down and pay attention. To take time. That’s a hard thing for someone whose default position is to “get things done!” But the more I consider what I know to be the path I should be taking I see attributes that I often miss in the rush through life. Awareness. Care. Wonder. Thankfulness. Moderation. Connection. Happiness.

Embrace the awe. Allow yourself to wonder.

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RULE #1. BE GRATEFUL. BE THANKFUL. BE COMPASSIONATE. EVERY DAY.

Gratefulness is a practice we can cultivate especially during times of despair. My grandmother believed in saying “please” and “thank you” and those lessons have passed down to me. We begin our evening meal with each one at the table saying what they are thankful for that day. No matter where you are in life, you can start your personal “radically grateful” practice today. 

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RULE #2. EXERCISE SIX DAYS A WEEK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. 

I like to observe the world at the speed of walking, which makes putting one foot in front of the other my main form of exercise. Edward Abbey once wrote

“Walking takes longer, for example, than any other form of locomotion except crawling. Thus it stretches time and prolongs life. Life is already too short to waste on speed . . . Walking makes the world much bigger and therefore more interesting. You have time to observe the details.”

I’ve come to embrace that approach whether walking in the great cities of the world, when visiting amazing natural landscapes, or just around our neighborhood. Walking has all sorts of benefits. We can each walk ourselves into a state of well-being. Walk into our best thoughts. Walk to daydream, as doing nothing is key to a creative life. Walk to be transformed.

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RULE #3. LISTEN MORE THAN YOU TALK.

Listening is an act of love. It takes a lot of focus and energy, and all of us have our moments. Listening is not something that we do all the time. It’s work. It’s a commitment. But we want to make room for listening. 

And while you’re listening remember that you don’t have to form an opinion about everything you’re hearing. Epictetus said, “It’s not things that upset us, it’s our opinions about things.” Holiday suggests that “the fewer opinions you have, especially about other people and things outside your control, the happier you will be.” Save your judgements for what matters. In the meantime, listen.

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RULE #4. SPEND LESS THAN YOU MAKE.

Living within one’s means is always good advice no matter our stage along the journey. It is a reminder to me as I age to focus not on things but on what’s important now: beauty, friends and loved ones, those less fortunate, leaving a better place for our children and grandchildren. Spending less that you make is not a reminder to be stingy. In fact, a somewhat unexpected corollary to this rule might be Popova’s reminder to be generous. 

“Be generous with your time and your resources and with giving credit and, especially, with your words. It’s so much easier to be a critic than a celebrator. Always remember there is a human being on the other end of every exchange and behind every cultural artifact being critiqued. To understand and be understood, those are among life’s greatest gifts, and every interaction is an opportunity to exchange them.”

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RULE #5. QUIT EATING CRAP! EAT LESS OF EVERYTHING ELSE.

This rule goes along with #2, and it focuses on staying healthy through exercise and diet, especially as I age. Eating healthy food is also better for the planet.

Sometimes, however, we need help in following our rules. Since December of 2023 I’ve been working with a wonderful nutritionist because I needed help in lowering my weight and avoiding Type 2 diabetes, which runs in my family. Our monthly sessions give me the boost that I need to stay on track for the long-term.

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RULE #6. PLAY (MUSIC), READ, WRITE.

This rule could also be stated as “make time for your passions.” I’ve had “Passions” on my daily task list now for a number of years, and under that I remind myself to “play, read, write”—which is shorthand for play music, read a book, and write something useful (at least to me) every day. It is the odd day when I don’t do at least two of these three. I find it is helpful to remind yourself of what brings you joy.

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RULE #7. CONNECT AND COMMIT.

Conversation and connection are at the heart of living together as humans. “To communicate with someone, we must connect with them.” But like millions of others I consistently make a mess of this basic task. “The single biggest problem with communication,” said the playwright George Bernard Shaw, “is the illusion it has taken place.”

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RULE #8. DON’T BE A GRUMPY OLD MAN. DON’T POSTPONE JOY. ENJOY LIFE! 

I continue my lifelong project to live into Kathryn Schulz’s admonition to treat each day as the exceptional experience it is while doing my best to bash into some joy along the way.

It is all pretty simple, and yet also difficult. Be open to love and thirst for wonder. Work for justice. Take time to dawdle and dream. Leave enough empty space to feel and experience life.

Remember that life is finite . . . love is not.

Try to be nice. Always be kind.

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Best wishes for a wonder-filled and remarkable 2026. As you welcome the New Year, consider making gratefulness, thankfulness, and compassion an everyday practice. And don’t postpone joy. I can recommend the effort!

More to come . . .

DJB

Photo by Jackson Hendry on Unsplash